Ángel
Manuel Rodríguez
From
a biblical standpoint, what's wrong with cohabitation?
The
term "cohabitation" is usually defined as a short- or long-term heterosexual
relationship out-side of marriage. Since the term itself carries a negative
or pejorative connotation in our society, there is a tendency to replace
it with the more technical one: "partnering."
The
topic itself is complex and difficult to address. The practice of cohabitation
has usually been understood to be an indication of moral or social decadence,
but that is no longer the case. Western society is accepting it as a type
of marriage that society itself encourages by tax laws with "marriage
penalties" and by reducing the Social Security benefits of widows or widowers
who
remarry. Besides, cohabitation is promoted by the communication systems
of Western society as a valid alternative to traditional marriages.
In
order to properly evaluate the subject we have to examine the biblical
understanding of marriage and then determine whether cohabitation is or
is not compatible with it.
1.
Instituted by God: It is the common Christian belief that marriage
was instituted by God Himself and that it was very good (Gen. 1:31; 2:22-24).
He regulated the operation of everything He created in order to ensure
its proper function and interaction with the rest of the created world
(e.g., Gen. 1:4, 12, 17, 18). After creating Adam and Eve, God brought
them together and defined the way they would relate to each other (Gen.
2:24). Therefore, marriage should be a reflection
of the original relationship that God established between woman and man.
Any claim for independence from the divine intention for marriage is seriously
suspect.
2.
Communal Witness: Marriage is not an arrangement made between two
individuals in isolation from God and other humans. A biblical marriage
takes place in the sight of other persons in order to introduce into the
relationship the element of mutual responsibility. Originally, Adam and
Eve were united in the presence of God Himself. Since then the union of
two persons in matrimony has been a community event (e.g., John 2:1).
Establishing a family was not to be a matter of individual discretion
but an event that had an impact on society at large. This understanding
is not popular in a culture that praises individualism, but it is important
in a
society that seeks to preserve its values and integrity.
3.
Permanent Commitment: The union effected in marriage establishes
a relationship of ultimacy and permanency. In the Bible marriage is not
an experiment by which it is to be determined whether or not the couple
will remain fully committed to each other. It is the expression of a love
that is so pure and so deep that it is willing to express itself in a
lifelong commitment. In this new relationship the spouse leaves mother
and father in order to be united to the object of that love (Gen. 2:24;
Matt. 19:6). There is a separation that leads into a new type of permanent
unity grounded in love. It is within that unity of mutual self-respect,
commitment, and permanency that sexual activity takes place as a "sacramental"
expression of the existential unity of the couple. That act unites lives
and not simply bodies.
4.
Evaluation: Cohabitation is a union of two persons without seeking
the blessing of God and the formal approval of the community. Hence, it
is fundamentally a relationship for the present with little concern for
the future of the relationship. The element of mutual commitment is significantly
less than in a Christian marriage and often becomes an occasion for fear
on the part of at least one of the partners. There is also in this type
of relationship a significant risk for emotional hurt that leaves indelible
scars. No one should pretend that she or he can live only for the present
without taking into consideration the future and God's intentions for
our social and spiritual well-being.
Church
members should do all they can to help cohabiting couples to be united
in Christian marriage. We should love and care for them in spite of the
fact that we do not approve of their lifestyle. They simply do not yet
know the beauty of a truly Christian home.
7/12/01
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